Managing Conflict

​Conflicts are happening every day in our lives.  Put simply, it is unavoidable.  The real question is how do we manage through conflict? 

The starting point is knowing exactly what conflict is, and what it is not.  Conflict is a disagreement in which people involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns.  It occurs when the goals or values between individuals are incompatible.  Conflict is not a mere disagreement.  It is a situation in which people perceive a threat (physical, emotional, power, or status) to their well-being.  As such, it is a meaningful experience in people’s lives, not to be thought of as something that will just pass with time.

It’s also helpful to know the sources of conflict, because then we might be able to address those and release the tension around the conflict.  A primary source of conflict is stress.  Stress is the fuel for anger, which can result in conflict.  If we can recognize that we, or others around us, are under stress and we can help alleviate that stress, conflict is less likely to hang around. 
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Another source of conflict is miscommunication.  When miscommunication occurs, clarifying where the goals and values of those involved in the conflict overlap can reduce the tension around the conflict. 

Conflict can also arise from differences in individuals’ beliefs, values or ideologies of the ways of life.  This can come up particularly with people who are different from one another in terms of ethnicity, family, religion, age, ability, and sexual orientation backgrounds.  These can be some of the more difficult conflicts to resolve, because there are strong differences in values or styles that improved communication may not be able to address.
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Conflict management suggestions:

1. Be clear what you and the other person (or those you manage) are trying to achieve.  Focus on each person’s interests, concerns and goals and not his or her motives. 
2. Assess the situation and clearly define the problem.  Define the problem in a way that does not place blame.  Separate the problem from the people involved so that solutions can be generated. 
3. Problem solve!  Brainstorm to create new options that might resolve the disagreement.
4. Implement a strategy and a time (several days or weeks later) to check in to see how effective the strategy has been in addressing the problem and reducing the conflict.

Remember, conflicts are going to happen.  It’s when we’re able to step back and walk through some of the suggestions described above that we can reduce the conflict before it continues to affect us, and those around us, over time.